I went out to a bar.

I went out to a bar last night.


It was a joke.

I’m use to living in L.A where a bad turn out is about a 100 people, in this local bar there was about 30 people…(70% gay men) lucky I met a bar buddy there so at least I had good conversation. (or something close to it) I played a few good games of pool which surprised me because I have never been good the game. I received a whopping 2 complements (that were welcome) and both women were not really my type.

I wasn’t really going for that though I went because I need to get out of the house, I don’t know why I kept tabs on people and complements and such. My bar buddy had got into a tiff with her girlfriend, as she complained about the girl I thought. I don’t miss this one bit. *Sighs* So why am I so disappointed with the lack of social interaction in this bar? I mean what’s the big deal? I had someone to talk to, I was out of the house? WHAT WAS THE DAMN PROBLEM ? …..

As I stared at my bar buddy, I felt know different then staring at t.v. I wouldn’t even compare it to a good movie.

Its refreashing to be single and happy

It seems like I shouldn’t be feeling so happy as a single woman but I am, love songs send me into a trance or sort of fantasy about new possibility once my life is back on track, its like I already know that me being single is not long term….That may seem border line neurotic, but the truth is it’s a down fall


When I think about why I feel this way I’m sure I’m setting myself up for the “bullshit”. in other words Im setting myself up for and asshole.
 It may have something to do with that fact that I have never been single longer then three months, and the few times i was single i kept 3 to 4 female in rotation according to my needs. I know now that was the little girl in me afraid to be absolutely alone. Thats not all true I dont mind being alone so im not really sure  or what or why ?

When I think of the future I think ….No! No I need to focus really hard for the next few years. I shouldn’t even be thinking that way….but every once in while I drift off and when I do I find myself thinking of things I think about what will she look like, what will she like , what will she dislike ? I feel like I have been through so much with my past that I will recognize what I don’t want, I feel like I will look deep enough to see what’s in her mind so I will recognize the qualities I do want. I’m hoping once school starts I can bury myself in studying…I crave that robotic process of receiving large amounts of information, the way I allow it fill my brain circling finding ways to connect and associate gluing knowledge to my brain. That’s what I need school………one week left. Then I can successfully daydream about cells and synapses.



In the mean time I have decided to read the origin of species . There is a book that’s very popular right now The God Delusion by a man name Richard Dawkins…that I have to read. I wont go into detail here its much to heavy but I am going to start a short blog dedicated to this subject since I do have strong feelings on the subject of the atheist movement that seems to be spreading epidemic. Why not start with a book that has greatly influence the science community greatly. F.Y.I I think god (our creator) is in science. As our minds evolve so shall our understanding of our creation and creator.

Coming soon blog